Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

I’m sure anyone who has had a husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend cheat on them has heard the age old saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”  But is it really true?  In my opinion, I’d have to say no, it’s not always the case.  Same with “The grass is always greener on the other side.”  Believe me, I know that one’s not true!

Case in point; my girlfriend found out her husband had cheated on her during a rocky stretch in their 10 year marriage.  To get him back she had an affair with a guy from work.  After all was said and done they’re still together, have worked through it and are happier now than they’ve ever been.  Now let me take you back about a year when all this started…

As with a lot of marriages they hit a spot where they were just living day to day, taking care of the kids, the bills, the house; everything but each other.  It wasn’t as if they purposely set out not to be there for one another, without even realizing it that’s just what happened.  The physical part of their relationship was non-existent because by the time they went to bed at night, one or the other was too tired or just not in the mood.  Some men show their love through the physical side of sex but to most women the emotional side is just as important, if not more.  If you don’t have both in a marriage it’s not going to work.

While away on business my girlfriend’s husband met a girl at the hotel bar that was showering him with attention (whatever) and before he knew it they were heading up to his room.  Upon returning home his guilty conscience got the best of him and he told her what he’d done crying and apologizing the whole time.  She couldn’t bring herself to kick him out, but instead of being sad and upset she was mad as hell.  To her the only way to get past what he did was to let him know what it felt like.  So she had a one-night affair with a friend of a friend.  Of course (and I could have told her this) she felt worse after she did it instead of feeling the justice she was looking for.  After all the smoke clears the air, in some cases such as cheating spouses, revenge is never a good option!

After many long friend to friend, mother to mother, wife to wife talks she decided to give the physical side of the relationship with her husband a little “extra” care with a few ideas to rekindle the romance:

1.  Date night – It opens the line of communication between you and your husband.  Even if all you talk about are the kids, then that’s fine.   At least you’re talking!  This gives the guy a chance to dish out a little of that “emotional” love the women crave.  Make sure to pencil in a date night for once a week or once a month on your calendar.  And ladies, wear something sexy under that little black dress – this will help with the physical side!

2.  Massage night – Light candles in your bedroom and give each other a full body massage.  There are all kinds of massage oils on the market today that are made just for this.  Use your imagination and pull out all the stops.  Believe me this is a great stress reducer!  And ladies, start off wearing something very sexy.  If things go as planned, you won’t have it on long.

3.  Get a room night – Plan a night that you can stay out all night and get a room with your husband.  It can be a surprise but personally I always like it when we both know when it will be because it adds to the excitement and anticipation.  Reserve the room on a Monday so that it gives you both something to look forward to all week.

After months of opening up and really listening to each other (plus they’ve used a couple of the helpful hints above), my girlfriend and her husband are happier than ever.  Now I know it’s not like this in every cheating case, but when a person cheats there’s usually a bigger underlying reason for it.  Sometimes couples can work through that hurt to come out a better person on the other side, sometimes they can’t.  But I truly believe that “Once a cheater, always a cheater” can’t be held to heart in every relationship.

Week-End Getaway | The Lakes Have It

Every year my girlfriends and I take a long weekend trip together.  We’ve been doing it for ten years now and for the past four years we’ve gone to different lake destinations in and around Kentucky and Tennessee.  A few of my favorites are Lake Cumberland, Dale Hollow Lake and Norris Lake.  These are all beautiful lakes with so much to see and do.  Lake trips are the perfect getaway if you want to relax, unwind and spend some quality time with friends.

The trip is always planned for the same weekend every year and when we first started our little girl trip it was just a Saturday, Sunday getaway.  Well, over the years we’ve added on a day here a day there and last year we ended up going Thursday thru Tuesday.  This year we’ve decided once again to add on one more day making our trip Thursday thru Wednesday.  We can’t help but add on a day because the weekend goes by way too quickly.  Like most vacations, you plan for it all year and can’t wait for the day you leave and before you know it, it’s over and you’re back to the day to day routine of your life.

Our girl trip is comprised of a group of six of us that have been friends since we were in first grade.  Can you imagine?  As we get older (of course I’m not going to tell you how old), it seems the time we spend together on our annual “girl trip” becomes more and more important.  The years slip by so quickly and a lot of things can change in a year, good and bad.  True friendship doesn’t come along everyday and if you’re lucky enough as I am to have life long friends, you cherish your time with them.

On past lake trips we’ve always rented a house or cabin on the lake. However, last year we decided to rough it with a weekend of camping.  It all sounded like so much fun and a couple of girls were avid campers with their families so I thought what the heck, let’s do it.  I decided to pick up a few necessities for our camping adventure (as I liked to call it).  A tent, an air mattress (I’m not a sleeping bag girl) and bug spray were high on my list of items I had to have; since I’ve never camped before I wasn’t sure what to expect.

The first night was great!  We spent all day on the lake floating around on rafts and then sat around the fire all night catching up on what was happening in each other’s lives.  The weather was perfect, stars were out and not a cloud in the sky.  And because of that we weren’t expecting the raging downpour of rain that greeted us that next morning!  It was actually kind of fun at first.  We all gathered in one tent eating leftover smores and gossiping like school girls.  But after a couple hours with no end in sight of the rain stopping any time soon we decided to cut our losses and make a run for the main cabins.  It rained for two straight days!

We still had a great time just being together but I did learn a very important thing about camping.  Next time I plan a camping trip the items high on my list will have one very important thing in common, waterproof!  I’ll be sure to bring my waterproof raincoat, my waterproof boots, my waterproof hat, gloves, socks and even a waterproof duffle bag to carry everything in.  Of course it probably won’t rain a drop, but you can bet I’ll be ready!

Life On The Farm As One of the Guys

The Back 40

Having grown up on a farm as the only girl with five older brothers I’ve seen my share of tractor pulls, county fairs, truck tugs and cow tipping to pretty much last me a lifetime.  Be that as it may, I wouldn’t change a thing.  I loved every minute of it; well almost every minute of it!

Being the only girl in the family definitely had its advantages.  Being daddy’s little girl pretty much meant that I could do no wrong and with a little sweet talk I could usually get out of my pre-dawn chores (and after school chores).  The disadvantages were that I couldn’t do anything without my brothers finding out about it and as far as dating, that was nearly impossible!  No boy in their right mind wanted to come out to the farm to pick me up with my five brothers breathing down his neck.

Because I didn’t have any sisters to hang around with during the summer I would follow my brothers everywhere.  They actually gave me the nickname “shadow” which they still call me today.   If they went four-wheelin, I went four-wheelin.  If they went fishing, I was right behind them with my pole.  After following them long enough they would finally give in and let me tag along.  Eventually I became “one of the guys.”

But it wasn’t just my brothers I would follow, my dad couldn’t get two steps from the house and I was right there wanting to go pick corn with him, fix the fences or even chop wood.  To me my dad seemed larger than life when he sat up on that John Deere tractor with his Carhartt faded bib overalls on and his John Deere hat.  He must have had twenty pairs of those bib overalls.  Between my brothers and him I’m pretty sure they single-handedly kept Carhartt in business!  No matter what the season, summer bibs or winter duck lined bibs, my dad and brothers could always be found in Carhartt overalls.

She Loves to Ride!

The best times were when we would all go four wheelin — usually in the Spring, just when all of the new landscaping and gardening was beginning.  We each had our own quad and would spend the entire day out riding the fields (and a few freshly mowed lawns too!)  My brothers had made trails through the woods and over the fields that went on for miles.  We had 100 acres so there was no problem finding a place to ride.  It was great because when we got older our friends would come over with their quads, dirt bikes and buggies and we would just take off.  We never had complaints from the neighbors because there were none!  However, we did get mom’s scolding every once in a while for forgetting to take off our muddy riding boots before running through the house.  Since mom ran the household we learned really fast not to do that anymore.

Now that I’m older and have a family of my own I still look forward to our visits back to the farm where I grew up.  My mom and dad still live there and love having all the grandkids over to feed the goats, swim in the watering hole and of course to ride the quads.  To this day my dad is still wearing his Carhartt bib overalls, still picking corn and he’s still larger than life to me!

Dangerous Curves

I have never known a woman who was perfectly happy with her body.  Society has insisted, since the beginning of the twentieth century, that perfection is thin and fragile.  We are inundated with images of boyish, angular women as the ideal of beauty. We have raised several generations of girls with lousy self-esteem and miserable body image, because images and fashions cater to bone-thin figures.  Sadly, the full-figured woman has been largely ignored by modern designers and advertisers, depriving society of real women who are comfortable in their own beauty. This was not always the case!  Prior to the appearance of the “flapper” in the early 1900′s, the “perfect” woman was curvy and comfortable, with an “ample” bosom and well-shaped legs.  In the words of poet Eugene Field:

“Plump of neck and bust and arms; While the raiment that invested Her so jealously suggested Certain more potential charms…”

A look at classic beauty, as shown in great art and described in literature, will reveal that it was the voluptuous and curvy woman that turned heads and made the truly lasting impression, up until modern times.  Take, for instance, the famous sculpture of Nike of Samothrace, more commonly called “Winged Victory”.  The sculpture featured the perfect female form as envisioned by its creator, circa the 3rd century B.C.  The likeness of a curvaceous and well-formed female figure, clad in a filmy, clinging fabric, evokes a reawakening of our own appreciation for a female shape that actually has shape!  Even though the sculpture is missing its head, we know when we look at it that we are viewing a perfectly beautiful female form.

Winged Victory

Moving from Greece, 300 B.C. to Victorian England, we still see, nearly 2000 years later, that the epitome of feminine beauty is still the plus-sized woman.  The ladies of good families were plump and pretty.  Frequently, in literature, we read of the dour housekeeper or cruel governess being thin and sharp featured, while the young ladies of good families are round and soft.  Charlotte Bronte wrote:

“Hers was the beauty that strikes the eyes like a rose — orbed, ruddy, and replete…plump, and pink, and flaxen.”

Visions of complicated undergarments and frothy bits of lace and silk worn by 19th century vixens still influence our most romantic ideas of lingerie.  We need to bear in mind that these were made for women of shape and style, and are just as sensuous

and alluring on the full-figured form as on any other.  We need to celebrate curves – whether in “granny panties” or “thongs”.  If we have them, we need to flaunt them and if we don’t, we need to appreciate the beauty of those who do.  The woman who is comfortable in her own beauty, whether of generous proportions or not, is by far the most attractive.

A Family That Rides Together, Stays Together!

There’s nothing like taking to the open road for a memorable family get away.   My husband and I are avid motorcycle riders and absolutely love riding.  It’s a trait that we’ve happily passed on to our two sons.  Although it will be awhile before they’re old enough to ride a motorcycle on the streets, they have taken to dirt bikes and quads like fish to water.  I think it’s important, if your children are interested in riding, to teach them while they’re young.  This builds their confidence and as they get older they’re comfortable and not fearful of riding bigger and more powerful bikes.   

As long as I can remember my husband has always had a motorcycle.  He’s had everything from Harley Davidson to BMW bikes.  By far our favorite motorcycle and what we both ride today is the Honda Gold Wing.  Riding is a passion of his and he is by far the safest motorcycle rider I know.  He’s passed that knowledge on to the boys so that safety is their number one priority.  On all our trips we wear safety gear that could save our lives in case of an accident.  Helmets, gloves, goggles and a lot of leather – jackets, chaps and steel toe boots are always worn.  I love that today women can find great apparel and boots that are comfortable and most importantly stylish!  Red Wing brand has a great line of men and women’s motorcycle boots that are perfect.

I didn’t start riding until about ten years ago when I realized I didn’t want to be a rider on the back of my husband’s bike any more, I wanted to drive.  I took the Honda weekend safety course and got my motorcycle license.  From that point on I didn’t stop riding.  We both have Honda Gold Wings that are beautifully painted with matching trailers for those long trips with the boys.  Those trailers may look small but you won’t believe the room in them.  Everything goes in there from suitcases and laptops to sleeping bags and tents. 

We’ve taken the boys on many trips now and they enjoy it as much as we do.  I usually ride with my younger son, Zach, on the back of mine and he loves to sing as we’re riding.  Our helmets have the intercom system built into them so that we can all communicate with each other and I always have to remind him to turn his intercom off so that I can actually hear the radio without hearing his singing over top of it

Every year we all go to the annual Honda Hoot rally in Knoxville Tennessee.  It’s so much fun because we know a lot of the venders and everybody is there with one thing in common – riding.  It’s always fun to pick up a new pair of gloves or chaps and to see the latest in technology from helmets to seat pads.  The boys always look forward to the different exhibitions of dirt bike riders doing some amazing tricks and jumps. Sadly I recently heard that the Honda Hoot was cancelled for 2009 due to economic reasons — sure hope they return in 2010!

It’s a lot of fun and a great way that we can spend family time together.  Kids grow up so fast and I’m sure it won’t be long before mine are off and riding their own motorcycles.  But for now I’m enjoying taking long (and short) motorcycle trips with the ones I love!

Role Playing for Children

There are not too many more engaging or inspiring words in the English language than “Let’s Pretend”. In early childhood, these words become a magic carpet that can take a child to places and situations beyond their experience. Sometimes, more importantly, it can enable a child to explore feelings and situations that are affecting their own development.

Creative role play can expand horizons and help a child encounter new situations in a safe and controlled fashion. Parents who encourage “dress up” playtime may observe attitudes or behaviors that need further attention. Directed pretend play can help shape a child’s perspective and social skills, particularly in the areas of negotiation and problem solving, learning leadership skills and understanding the perspective of others. There is also a body of evidence suggesting that, because creative role play encourages emotion, cognition, language and sensory motor skills, it may have a direct impact on a child’s intelligence.

So how do we, as parents, use role play to benefit our children? It’s not as hard as it sounds. Usually, the first form of role play our children experience, is imitating us. Pretending to vacuum, pounding on a workbench, “going shopping”, driving a toy car are all early steps in developing an understanding of the world and real life activities.

 Playing “dress up” allows a child to become someone else, real or imaginary (and no, I’m not referring to having kids dress up in sexy costumes!). This activity helps a child to explore the real life roles of the people in their world, and to imagine characters from stories or their imaginations. When purchasing a Halloween costume, look for one that your child would like to “be” all year long. It could be helpful to have a dress up box that includes an animal costume, as well as costumes and props representing different career choices, and imaginary or historical figures.

Eventually, your child will want to act out favorite stories, so include something in your dress up box that reminds them of the books you read together. You may want to encourage your children to act out the stories, or dances for a family audience. This helps to develop talent and self-esteem. And who can argue that applause helps build confidence?

 Make room in your home for a place where make believe is not only allowed, but encouraged. From a refrigerator box to a tree house, these magical spaces allow your child to feel free to be anyone or anything.

 Finally, make time to be a part of your child’s role play activities. Your participation tells him that it’s good to explore and experience new things. It also allows them to show you, either by behavior or dialogue, things that bother or confuse them. Your reaction and response to their pretend situations will help them understand and model their own appropriate behavior. Don’t hesitate to throw on that superhero cape and save the day!

Obama’s Plan is Flawed

Obama’s plan sounds good to most people because he speaks of “redistributing wealth” by taking from the rich and giving to the poor. As much as Obama sounds like Robin Hood these days, if he would just study history he would know this plan for stimulating the economy is fundamentally flawed. Imposing higher taxes on the wealthy will prove detrimental to the economy.

Obama has this trickle up theory that by giving money to the poor he is giving them opportunity, but in reality he is only continuing to enable them to stay in the same rut that most of them were born into. The reality is that when taxes are raised for the wealthy it will discourage the economic leaders from expanding and working.  Many middle and lower class individuals view “rich people” as greedy. While in reality those who are wealthy are simply motivated to gain more wealth. 

Take any upper level executive for example. He will work all the overtime he can, while he sacrifices time with his family in order to climb the ladder and get ahead. This executive will see the prize, he will find pride in being able to provide his family with a comfortable lifestyle and find pride in his successes. His wealth has come at a price, but he was willing to work hard and make sacrifices to reach his goals. Obama’s proposal to increase taxes on the wealthy while giving tax breaks for the poor will cause this executive to work fewer hours to stay out of the upper tax brackets. This executive like so many others will take more time with his family and more vacations. He will cut back on the expansion of his business and likely lay off some of his employees. Hopefully, you can see how this will be detrimental to the economy as a whole.

The blame cannot be placed on the executive because with the proposed tax increases the upper class will be able to work less hours and make the same money as if they worked more hours and paid higher taxes. Anyone would make the decision to work less. We should also keep in mind that the majority of tax dollars paid into the economy are paid from the wealthy who are smaller in numbers but pay substantially more in taxes.

Aside from the fact that Obama’s plan sounds  much like socialism, it just doesn’t make sense to let most of our society live off the hard work of a relatively few motivated people.  Obama’s plan will essentially force small businesses to cut jobs in order to pay higher taxes in an attempt to spread the wealth to those who choose to sit at home, uneducated and make babies.